Geez, do I gotta fix everything?

Friday, November 30th, 2007

To all those complaining about the shitty “Mephisto makes Peter give up his marriage to save Aunt May with devil-magic” storyline currently going on in Amazing Spider-Man - look, this one is so easy to fix it’s almost redundant to mention it, and by “fix” I don’t mean just retconning it away, but instead making it work on a larger scale.

Ready? Because it’s really easy.

Heh.

Tuesday, November 13th, 2007

Via United Hollywood, your viral video/writer’s strike mention of the day.

I really kind of suspect that the studios had no idea what they were getting into when they forced a strike.

Oh, Lord

Thursday, November 8th, 2007

Found in a Pyjamas Media column’s comments:

I’m not sure you do. Hollywood has made utter garbage at least 90% of the time for at least 10 years, if not more. I will provide just one factoid. In the last two decades, more actresses have won the academy award for portraying a prostitute than for portraying any other profession. Why do current Hollywood writers have such a obsession with prostitution?

First off, I went and checked, because I was pretty sure that “factoid” was not actually, like, true. And of course it isn’t. Only one woman has won an Academy Award in the last twenty years for portraying a prostitute, and it’s kind of a stretch to say that because the woman in question was Charlize Theron for her work as Aileen Wuornos in Monster, and the most distinguishing aspect of the character was not that she was a prostitute but that she was a serial killer.

In comparison: two cops (Helen McDormand in Fargo and Jodie Foster in The Silence of the Lambs) and three rich British ladies (Helen Mirren in The Queen, Emma Thompson in Howard’s End, and Gwyneth Paltrow in Shakespeare In Love). WHY does Hollywood continue to glamourize cops and rich British ladies? WHY?

Secondly, though, I wanted to just make my general disgust with this line of argument known. You can argue against the strike in good faith (and Brad Fox has done so, both here in the comments and at his own joint), even though I won’t agree with you. But the line of argument advanced above - and it’s easily the majority opinion among those (mostly conservative) commenters is “I don’t like it so they don’t deserve anything.”

And that’s just abhorrent. It doesn’t matter if you think Hollywood makes a lot of crap; they also make about a trillion dollars a year in revenue, so the question of whether you personally are invested in the product is moot. It’s both stupid and insulting to think that you have to like a business to determine whether or not its practices are sound.

The question is simple: do writers, having helped to produce a product that is financially successful, deserve a share of that financial success? Answer that question. Jesus, how is this hard?

LINKSPASM: Absolutely everything you need to know about the writers’ strike.

Wednesday, November 7th, 2007

Let me be plain as possible before I start giving you links:

The WGA writers’ strike is practically the definition of a just strike. This is a battle over corporations earning billions of dollars and unfairly refusing to give those most responsible for the creation of the content which mandates their profits their proper due.

Most screenwriters aren’t rich. Yes, the average salary of a Hollywood screenwriter is $200,000. However, that figure is overinflated by the high end of rich screenwriters, the tiny minority who make millions per picture, the Tina Feys and the Steve Carells. (Both of whom, I might add, are striking.) The median salary for a screenwriter is about twenty thousand dollars. So this isn’t a battle between “billionaires and millionaires,” much like the last actors’ strike, where everybody focused on Leonardo DiCaprio’s salary and ignored the fact that most actors, stunningly enough, are not Leonardo DiCaprio.

So, links:

- John August explains the basics.
- John Rogers lays out some excellent metaphor (”that tiger went tiger“) and some mild prediction.
- Ken Levine provides some perspective.
- Rick Schimpf quotes Micah Wright’s now-infamous “Screwed Over For Spongebob” post and adds some commentary. Also, he provides a link to this informative Youtube.
- An account of what happened at the eleventh-hour negotiations.
- Chris Kelly explains residuals.
- Related to the previous item: Mark Evanier explains why residuals aren’t just fair but also encourage writers to perform better.
- Brian K. Vaughn weighs in.
- And finally, Craig Newmark asks the pressing question on everybody’s minds.

Terrible Stock Characters, #2 (in a series)

Tuesday, November 6th, 2007

THE HEAD CHEERLEADER SLASH QUEEN BITCH OF SCHOOL

This exhaustingly crap old trope is so annoyingly stereotypical it honestly makes my teeth itch every time I see it - which means my teeth itch a lot, because of the following true formula:

1.) Most writers are nerds.
2.) Most nerds hated high school.
3.) Many nerds have not gotten over #2, and most writers-who-are-nerds definitely haven’t.

Thus, when creating an antagonist in a high school setting and feeling lazy, most writers end up channeling their own inner biases and taking it out on whoever they thought had it easier than them in high school, which is almost always the athletes and especially the cheerleaders. (The cheerleaders, far more often than not, come off worse than the athletes do. I leave it to the reader to chart the obvious gender politics inherent in this point.)

And if the cheerleaders in general get the shaft, well, the head cheerleader is especially singled out, like the queen bee of an evil hive. The head cheerleader, by definition in this writerly world, has to be the bitch of bitches, the alpha female, the leader of the vicious pack, et cetera ad infinitum. She’s almost always the worst, most hateful type-A-personality she-devil; almost always amoral, usually slutty (hellooooooo gender politics, again), and on top of that our stereotypical TV/movie head cheerleader, more often than not, is stupid. So not only is she evil and in a position of power, but the inference is that she only got there because she was lucky.

Let’s not kid ourselves: most head cheerleaders will be type-A personalities, that’s an entirely fair characterization. Why? Because cheerleading is difficult and demanding, with relatively little reward. (Yes, there are some full athletic college scholarships available for cheerleaders - but if a female athlete wants an athletic scholarship, statistically she’s better off pursuing swimming or track.) To excel at it requires a lot of determination and commitment, and to captain a team you have to be the sort of person who enjoys command and competition for its own sake.

But cheerleaders aren’t inherently evil. Most of the ones I’ve known in my time, both through my own schooling and through the schools of younger friends and family, were just competitive athletes, usually good students (because, well, they had to be to stay on the team, much less go to college), and perfectly friendly. Heck, outside of the football-crazy portions of southern America the cheerleaders aren’t even necessarily the top of the social pyramid - the “cool girls” subset can just as easily be totally unrelated to cheerleading.

The Head Cheerleader Bitch is a construct. It’s a sexist one to boot, usually existing to contrast feminine sin from womanly virtue: our Good Girl heroine isn’t ANYTHING like Tammy McSlutty who runs the cheerleaders. (This is so prevalent, in fact, that in Bring It On, where the heroine is a cheerleader, the writers felt it necessary to insert not only a head cheerleader who was duplicitious, slutty and kind of scanky, but two ambitious underling cheerleaders trying to backstab the virtuous Kirsten Dunst.)

It needs to be retired. Re-tired! Re-tired! R-E-T-I-R-E-D, that is what it means to me! Oh yeah! Oh yeah!

I’m Responsive

Tuesday, October 9th, 2007

From the comments, a while back:

Now the question is whether we start a petition asking you publish Vampire Hitler

Well, it’s not finished as such. Hence why I’m still working on it.

However, I will confess that it contains the following things:

- a race war between the incoming Aryan vampires and the city’s native vampires, which are largely black,
- a jive-talking number one soul brother vampire who got turned in the 1970s,
- an order of vampire-hunting rabbis, including one shot with all of them walking towards the camera in slow motion, their long black coats fluttering behind them,
- an archvillain who has a cane tipped with a sharpened diamond, which he uses as a weapon,
- a RENEGADE COP, LIVING ON THE EDGE,
- and a chainsaw shaped like a Star of David.

And yes, it was originally meant as a serious project for a direct-to-video distribution model. The conversation that spawned the concept essentially went as follows:

ME: Okay, so if we wanted to do a straight-to-DVD project, what would be a good concept?
OTHER GUY: Has to be horror, of course.
ME: Right, but it has to be good horror. High concept horror. What’s a good bad guy?
OTHER GUY: …Hitler?
ME: Good, but it needs something more. What’s worse than Hitler?
OTHER GUY: …Hitler and he’s a ninja?
ME: That’s not a horror movie, though.
OTHER GUY: Hitler and he’s a vampire?
ME: YES.

More On That Bad Webcomics Site

Monday, October 8th, 2007

Someone forwarded me this link because, I dunno, having posted once about Your Webcomic Is Bad makes me an authority on it or something, I don’t know.

(Memo to entire world: if you want a ton of unsolicited email from total strangers asking your opinion about practically everything under the sun? Start a blog. It does not fail, I assure you. Not that I’m complaining, because replying to it/acknowledging it is completely optional, because the writers in question understand that you are a very busy person who has a blog.)

Now, most of the link in question is just flaming and “he’s full of shit,” and I don’t care about that, because either you enjoy reading John Solomon and company’s rants or you don’t. It’s a taste. Presumably the people who don’t like reading John Solomon likewise have an intense dislike for the works of Joe Queenan or Ambrose Bierce or Lester Bangs, and this is, I believe, their loss.

(It’s certainly stupid, of course, to suggest, as some have, that John Solomon is a “bad writer.” I recognize the need to claim bullshit as gospel truth out of a sense of spite, but come on - either you recognize simple writerly skill at crafting inflammatory rhetoric, or you don’t. As Penny Arcade once said, paraphrased - which is it, are you stupid or a liar?)

But one thing about it caught my eye - not least because the author took double-plus care to make sure it would catch any reader’s eye by bolding and italicizing it, so I don’t think it’s presumptuous to think this the main idea he wants to communicate with his essay:

The moment you really give a shit what a site like this (or any other) says about your webcomic, you lose.

This is quite possibly the stupidest thing I have read in a very long time, and understand I’ve spent the last month reading bullshit court decisions that nonetheless established binding legal precedents of dubious value in Canada - so when I say “stupidest,” it carries with it some weight. (It is, granted, less stupid than the dialogue of Carpoolers.)

Terrible Stock Characters, #1 (in a series)

Tuesday, October 2nd, 2007

THE RETAIL MANAGER/ASSISTANT MANAGER WHO IS WAY TOO INTO HIS JOB

Hey! Are you a screenwriter, struggling to emphasize how Important your protagonist is in the grand scheme of things? Then you need a gung-ho retail manager (or assistant manager). Nothing illustrates importance like somebody who’s really into retail, because retail, as we all know, isn’t important at all. Your protagonist has so much more to worry about than weekly sales targets or the new discounting initiative!

I would like to stress I’m not calling retail work an awesome life calling or anything, because mostly it isn’t. But the Gung-Ho Retail Manager/Assistant Manager is particularly grating every time they show up, because in real life, they do not exist. There are retail managers who are serious about their job, of course, but they are mostly people who are desperately afraid of getting fired: sole providers, single parents, people working their ass off to pay down debt. There are also retail managers who genuinely enjoy the service aspect of retail, helping people find the product and/or service they need.

However, in real life, there are practically no retail managers or assistant managers who use war metaphors to describe the retail struggle. There are honestly precious few retail managers or assistant managers who will hold up their MANAGER tag and say “you need to have heart to get this.” The vast majority of actual retail managers and assistant managers do not particularly consider their job a calling or of any great importance at all.

But on TV and in movies, just about every retail manager and assistant manager is a self-absorbed, self-important dickface. It’s terminal laziness, a shortcut of the most annoying type - especially when you know the annoying dickface is just going to be a one-episode appearance to remind us all how Comparatively Important the protagonist’s struggle is. (That we have already seen a gung-ho manager show up on the season premiere of Heroes should surprise absolutely nobody, considering “let’s take a lazy shortcut” is part and parcel of that show’s plotting style.) There’s also a dickface assistant manager wannabe on Chuck, but that guy actually has a role for the entire season so maybe they’ll develop him a bit beyond being the butt of “hah this guy is so dumb he thinks he and/or his career is special” jokes.

To sum up: if, in the process of writing your show’s pilot, you have your character encounter/work for an egotistical jackoff retail manager/assistant manager, please spare us all some grief and write in some other character instead.How about a fanatical dogcatcher? We haven’t seen a fanatical dogcatcher in years.

On Editorialization And The Lack Thereof

Monday, September 17th, 2007

I’ve recently seen a few people upset by or about Your Webcomic Is Bad And You Should Feel Bad, and the usual comments about that site have emerged, and as usual they are all wrong. No, the writer is not uncreative or lazy (writing a funny rant - and they are funny rants - is hard), and yes, they’ve almost certainly done professional writing of their own (they claim to in various comments, and given the talent involved I can believe it). No, exerting creative energy does not inherently make you a better person.

The reason I enjoy YWIBAYSFB is because one of the greatest fallacies inherent to the Internet that I see repeated, over and over again, from all sorts of people, is this:

“In real life, people don’t say nasty things about your work like this to you directly.”

And to that I have to go “whuh?” because, unlike most of the people who say this, I have a stack of rejection letters. From Asimov’s and Fantasy and Science Fiction and lots of other non-genre magazines and publishing houses. From script agents, from script competitions, from producers. I started submitting in my teens, under the mistaken assumption that I was the next Gordon Korman. (Go figure, I wasn’t.)

These are professional assessments, and let me assure you, not all of them are nice. Most of them are, because I when I submitted them I was in that category of “very rough, but there’s promise,” and editors tend to be pleasant to that level of talent (if for no other reason, because someday they might need a favour from you). But they aren’t all nice. A sample of a few of the less nice ones:

There is no way I can call this anything other than derivative dogshit.

Step one towards getting me to consider your submission: proper formatting. Step two: not copying the stylistic quirks of [writer] in a manner so blatant it’s frankly embarrassing.

You are, at present, years and years of bad writing away from even being tolerable.

I have one word for you to consider: accountancy.

Fairly rough stuff to get, especially when you’re in your teens. But you know what? They were right. I was writing shit then. I don’t write shit now, and yes, it’s partially because of those rude editors. I know some might want to attribute my improvement entirely to the helpful editors who went through the generic, tedious crap I was churning out then and gave me helpful pointers on establishing my own style and avoiding bad writing tropes, and I won’t debate for a second that they were all very helpful.

However. The rude ones were helpful as well, because they said one thing, over and over again, either directly or indirectly. They said “this form to which you aspire has standards which we expect you to meet.”

Think about that for a second, the concept of standards. The idea that your work is part of something that is larger and more important than you, that what you contribute in expression will help to define the movement, and indeed, in a way, all art with it. It’s something that’s steadily been dropping off the edge of the creative map over the last fifty years - maybe society as a whole has gotten more self-important, maybe it’s a shift in personal philosophy as a whole, I don’t know. But it’s an idea in regression, of that we can be sure; it’s one that merits a comeback.

Going back to Your Webcomic Is Bad again, what I think a lot of people don’t recognize is that it, and sites like it, have arisen in direct response to the internet’s total lack of editorial control. Don’t get me wrong: I think that, by and large, the creative freedom the web has given us is a good thing, allowing those artists who would otherwise get lost in the shuffle to make their voices heard. That’s valuable.

The problem is that said creative freedom is a double-edged sword, because without the channels the editorial system built up over the years, anybody can just put up any piece of shit, and with an essentially infinite audience, they will in turn eventually get a loyal horde of fans slavering devotion on what is, bluntly, horse crap masquerading as a story. The same goes for photography, or drawn art, or music, or what have you - in every creative industry there exists a system to separate the dross from the (relative) gold. Yes, sometimes it means we get Thomas Kinkade or Britney Spears because people use that system for material gain first and foremost, but take any art history class and you swiftly learn there have always been people like that and that the commercial crap fades away.

(An aside: in 1964, when the Beatles were breaking huge in the United States, somebody tried to make a buck off them by getting a girl group together, calling them “the Beatlettes,” and recording “Yes You Can Hold My Hand.” Ninety-nine point a lot percent of you have never heard that song, or indeed of the Beatlettes at all. That’s less than fifty years past and they’re already a footnote. That’s my point right there.)

Most webcomics are shit. Yes, there are webcomics that are not shit, from the philosophical, writer-driven hilarity of a Dinosaur Comics or XKCD to the artistic free-flow of a Wigu or Scary-Go-Round to the pure story-ambition of a Gunnerkrigg Court or the sheer professionalism on all levels of Penny Arcade or Order of the Stick. But these fine works are exceptions, and not the rule.

The reason for this is inherent in the philosophy of most webcomics, where “professionalism” is frequently treated like some sort of bizarre optional extra nobody would ever consciously choose, much like putting herring on a sundae. Create a sporadic updating schedule then don’t stick to it - because come on, you’re doing it for free! (Anthony Trollope wrote for two hours. Every day. Period. He did not publish his first novel until he had been writing for fifteen years.) “Draw” a comic in a lite cartoony style without ever having learned the fundamental rules of anatomy and composition first - hey, that’s just how you roll! (Most of the great early comic strip artists learned basic life drawing skills while in the Army.) Use an unoriginal, boring meme for your “punchline” in some desperate attempt to identify yourself to your readers as one of them - well, all the other comic people are doing it! (Charles Schulz - actually, I could just say “Charles Schulz” as a blanket response to every bit of webcomic hackery ever performed.)

And then, when some actual professional creative person, someone who sweats out work and gets paid for it despite never being certain if what he’s produced is good enough (and if you don’t have that gnawing demon in your stomach saying “it’s crap” every time you commit yourself to work in any artistic form, seriously, look into accountancy, because doubt is what creates all art) - when that person finally snaps at the umpteenth schmuck who pumps out generic, meandering, derivative crap in their spare time - it’s always in their spare time - and has found within themselves that precious nugget of superego and nurtured it into a towering colossus of self-important narcissism because they’re creating something, dammit - it’s always the professional’s fault for not being polite.

When did “polite” become such a positive attribute in art, anyway? Not “considerate,” you understand, that’s never the word used, it’s always “polite” - when did Miss fucking Manners dictate proper behaviour within the artistic community? Go back to your art history books and you’ll see again and again that art thrives when the artistic culture is rude and challenges the living hell out of anyone who would dare practice it for their living. Look at the Baroque and Romantic composers, who worked in a period where being a professional composer meant not only writing the absolute best music possible but also politically burying your rivals whenever possible. Look at the sheer chaos the Expressionists created, not just on canvas but in the salons and gallery halls.

(If Mark Waid ever loses his shit with me, I totally promise to take it with a smile, because it’s not like I wrote one of the best runs of Fantastic Four ever, you know? PS. Dear Mark Waid: I still think Kingdom Come kind of sucks.)

Why shouldn’t established professionals get a bit dismissive when amateurs with no real standing beyond a bunch of people they sort of know saying “I like this” - and you can find 200 people who are willing to say “I like this” about absolutely anything - demand equal standing? Because when a rank amateur says “I’m a writer” or “I’m an artist” or whatever their chosen artistic field is, that’s exactly what they’re doing.

Robert Rodriguez, in his fun book Rebel Without A Crew, mentions that saying “I’m a filmmaker” (and you can of course extend that to other pursuits) is a wonderful ego boost, and a useful tool for motivating yourself to finish a project. And he’s right. But he also says that it’s only the first step, that next you actually have to become a filmmaker. Some people go to film school; others, like Rodriguez, make a shitty movie or two then come up with a business plan to make another movie. (El Mariachi wasn’t his first, and it’s worth remembering that his original plan was to sell it to the Mexican video market and maybe make back two or three times its cost.)

But absolutely nobody worth mentioning says “I’m a filmmaker” and then prints business cards saying “Chuck Sluckerson, Filmmaker,” and kind of half-asses their way through the basic steps of a project they’ll never really make, but it’s something to talk about at dinner parties. “Oh no, I just work at the insurance company to pay my bills. I’m really a filmmaker.” (This is not to say that this does not happen - merely that they are not worthy of mention.)

Worse yet, the ones who go out and buy a digital camcorder and, without understanding anything about shot composition or pacing a scene or anything that makes narrative film watchable, shoot their abominable short movies and now it’s “I’m a filmmaker - you can see my stuff on Youtube!”

And if you’ve got the temerity to point out that they don’t know what they’re doing, they defend their shit as “artistic choice,” because art can’t be wrong, man, it’s all about personal expression, man! And it occurs to me at this point that I’m getting a bit far afield here, but just pretend that I said Robert Rodriguez was a famous webcomics maker instead, if you like, because the parallels are exactly the same.

In summary: Editorial standards are good things, because art is not a one-way street and never has been. Art is a committal to the audience: you are standing up, proclaiming that you have Something To Say And It’s Important. When you do that, it thus falls upon you to do two things: to make sure that what you say is Important (at least to you if no one else), and that you communicate it effectively. The editorial process is all about creating people who are more skilled at said communication, and if a medium arises - such as webcomics - where that process is absent, don’t be surprised when people create it spontaneously and it’s less helpful than some would like.

Your Answer From Yesterday

Tuesday, September 11th, 2007

So, yesterday I put up my rendition of a comic book hero’s version of the Gettysburg Address, and offered people to get the chance to guess at it.

Here it is again:

Ninety-odd years ago, our mothers and fathers made a new country out of nothing, where we were all free and we were all equal. Now we’re in the middle of a civil war, because not everybody agrees with the whole “free and equal” part nowadays. Here, where our friends and family have fallen, we’re going to build a final resting-place for them. They deserve that - but they also deserve our solidarity, because they paid the ultimate price for our freedom, and we owe them the willingness to pay that price ourselves, if we have to. We have to remember what they did for us, and we have to use that memory to keep fighting, for as long as we have to fight. And we’re going to win, because we have to win.

So, the answer?

On Voice

Monday, September 10th, 2007

I recently got some email from somebody enthused over my comics parodies (it happens), and they asked a question I started to answer in email but then, after realizing how much I was writing to them, that I might as well turn it into an article for the site.

The question was “how do you write dialogue so well?”

People may call me immodest for saying this, but I write good dialogue. (Modesty is just passive aggression described as a virtue anyhow.) I’m not nearly so good a descriptive writer as I am with dialogue. It’s a knack. Some people are just good at drawing, they have the natural instincts to make it all fit together even before they learn the skills to really improve themselves. I got dialogue. Go figure.

This is not to say that I am without flaw in this area. I tend to be overly verbose. My style is recognizable after a while (I can live with it, considering you can say the same about Warren Ellis or Joss Whedon). I have certain systemic tics in my writing that I only notice after I finish and start going back and editing (a tendency to start sentences with “and”, for example, is one of my big ones). But I am good at it.

One of the reasons I’m good at it is because I think a lot about character voice. I get the little bastards talking in my head and I know how they should be talking after a while of listening to them. And a trick I learned years ago to codify this is the revoicing trick.

The trick, which I pass on to you, is very simple and you’ve probably seen it elsewhere before, is this: take a famous passage, preferably a speech. Now rewrite that passage as if the character you want to write is saying it. I myself favour the Gettysburg Address, because it’s distinctive, not so long to make the work tedious, but not so short that you don’t learn anything in the process, and because it’s dramatic - Abraham Lincoln could write one hell of a speech. (Another good trick: imagine the character telling “the Aristocrats” joke.)

Consider, for example, Brainiac Five’s rendition of it.

Eighty-seven years ago our ancestors created a new nation here, dedicated to the principles of equality and liberty. Now we war against our own, and now we will learn if this experiment will work. Today, we come to Gettysburg to dedicate this cemetery to those who have fallen in battle - but our dedication pales in comparison to the dedication of those buried here. Long after history forgets my words, it will remember their sacrifice. It falls to us, today, to resolve ourselves to continue the struggle, that we be willing to sacrifice as greatly as they. We cannot allow their deaths to become pointless. We must ensure that our nation, our belief in equality and liberty, triumphs in this dark hour. We must.

Now, that’s my Brainy saying that, rather than Keith Giffen’s or Mark Waid’s or whomever. But I think it works. Consider what you learn about the character voice by doing this.

No flowery language. He’s a scientist, not a poet. Brainy uses long words when they’re technically appropriate, and the rest of the time he speaks for maximum comprehensibility (not least because he hates having to repeat himself). Also note: “eighty-seven” instead of, say, “eighty-seven point two one six”. He’s not a computer, and no reasonable listener needs to know down to the thousandth decimal point how accurate the timeframe is. (He knows the decimals, but you don’t say everything you know, after all.)

Stark, firm rhetoric. Brainy’s an idealist. He frames his moral argument in absolutes as much as possible - This Is How It Is, and This Is How It’s Going To Be. And his tone, while compelling, isn’t particularly friendly. Note “cannot,” rather than the more comfortable, personable “can’t.” Note the use of active voice wherever possible (which is just a good idea generally, really, but for a character like Brainy, a must).

No sarcasm. This isn’t to say that Brainy isn’t sarcastic - he is - but there’s a time and place, and this time and place aren’t appropriate for that sort of thing with him. (Conversely, Plastic Man might launch a few bombs.)

I hope that explains a bit to the person who asked how I try to build character voice up in my head. Remember that different characters should sound different, even when they’re saying the same sort of thing - but also remember that different characters should sound different because they are different characters, if that follows.

And, as another example, here’s somebody else. I’m curious to see if people can guess who it is: I’ll just say that it’s a major comics hero(ine) with their own title and leave it at that.

Ninety-odd years ago, our mothers and fathers made a new country out of nothing, where we were all free and we were all equal. Now we’re in the middle of a civil war, because not everybody agrees with the whole “free and equal” part nowadays. Here, where our friends and family have fallen, we’re going to build a final resting-place for them. They deserve that - but they also deserve our solidarity, because they paid the ultimate price for our freedom, and we owe them the willingness to pay that price ourselves, if we have to. We have to remember what they did for us, and we have to use that memory to keep fighting, for as long as we have to fight. And we’re going to win, because we have to win.

Any guesses?