Last week on the Amazing Race, everyone scrambled to get an advantage so good it put the team who got it in 9th place. The DoucheBros got the Express Pass, and TMZ got a one-way ticket home. On to the next installment!

continue reading "Amazing Race 27, Episode 2: “Get In There And Think Like a Dog”"

Full disclosure: I’ve known Graeme Burk and Robert Smith? through a variety of online Doctor Who fan communities since the series was an obscure line of novels carrying on in the wake of the cancelled TV show. I have attended conventions with them, I’m big fans of them as people as well as authors, and I have been commissioned on occasion by Robert for essays in one book or another. (Including the recently released Outside In 2, by ATB Publishing, where I wax opinionated on “The Christmas Invasion”. You know, if you’re interested in that sort of thing.) The point is, I am probably magnificently biased when it comes to the recently released ‘The Doctors Are In: The Essential and Unofficial Guide to Doctor Who’s Greatest Time Lord’.

That said, it’s tremendous fun to read. It’s not an episode guide, because goodness knows we are spoilt for choice when it comes to that. (Including one by Burk and Smith?, as it happens.) It’s also not a history of the program, because again, there are plenty of great ones out there. Instead, this is a book of critical analysis–the authors take a look at the various facets of the Doctor’s magnificently complex personality, embroidered by thirteen actors and dozens of writers, directors and producers over the years, and try to figure out just what makes him tick. Is he a brooding and melancholy survivor of unimaginable devastation? A cold, alien wanderer in the fourth dimension? A puckish sprite who revels in making mischief for the wicked? (Um, yes to all of the above. Sorry, spoilers!)

Naturally, with fifty years of stories to mine for material, there are a wealth of interpretations to draw upon, and a wealth of conclusions to come to. That’s where the book shines, really; Burk and Smith? are among those rare people who can disagree completely and totally and not get upset about it. Over the course of the book, they clash over topics from “Does ‘Genesis of the Daleks’ really live up to its reputation?” to “Was the Third Doctor too cozy with UNIT?” to “Was Matt Smith prone to trying to punch up a bad script by flailing his arms and shouting a lot?” And impressively enough, their answers are always well-reasoned and informative even when they disagree. Even more impressively, they disagree profoundly for much of the book and the tone is still light-hearted and humorous.

Is it essential reading? Well, it does serve as a basic reference guide to the series–Burk and Smith? do give a potted history of the making of the series as they discuss each Doctor, there’s a list of recommended viewing that will certainly serve as a good place to start, and the back of the book contains a list of resources if you want to know more. But I will admit (as do they, in the back of the book) that there are other books out there that serve as a more comprehensive guide to the history of the show both in front of and behind the cameras. This is intended as light reading, not as reference material.

In other words, if you already have one of a dozen or so episode guides, behind the scenes books, or reference manuals on Doctor Who, this probably isn’t going to tell you anything you don’t already know. But if you’re the sort of person who already has episode guides, behind-the-scenes books and reference manuals on Doctor Who, you’re probably the sort of person who appreciates reading one that’s well-written, entertaining and far from merely a dusty compilation of facts about the series. If that’s the case (whether you own all those other books or not, really) you will get a lot of enjoyment out of ‘The Doctors Are In’.

Now that the dust has settled on the “blind date” experiment, we can now get back to what the Amazing Race does best: Throwing together teams of best friends, dating couples, relatives and co-workers and making them race around the world for a million bucks! Phil’s back, and looking good, I have to say. I think he might have gained a little weight, but honestly, he was getting so thin we were beginning to worry about him, so everyone in our household was okay with that. He starts us off on Venice Beach, but first, some introductions:

continue reading "Amazing Race 27, Episode 1: “A Little Too Much Beefcake”"

I’m probably showing my age when I say that ‘The Love Boat’ was practically ubiquitous when I was a kid. Even if you didn’t make an effort to watch it, it seemed to run in some sort of bizarre, perpetual loop that meant you always wound up catching at least a half an episode here or a few minutes there. For those of you unfamiliar with it, it was one of those weird “Why does anybody watch this?” shows that somehow ran for nine seasons, about a cruise ship called the Pacific Princess, its crew, and the weekly guest stars who found love on the eponymous boat. You could design something more clearly intended to function as comfort viewing and visual wallpaper, but it’d be hard.

And last week, in the comments on my suggestion for a “Jurassic World” series, TrishEM suggested a ‘Love Boat’ reboot with velociraptors. And I have to say, not to diss a readership that is smart and funny and great commenters, but it’s gonna be hard to top that one. In fact, it led me to a whole series of ideas about how to improve the formulaic, generic ‘Love Boat’ simply by mashing it up with some of the other TV shows out there. To wit:

1) The Jurassic Boat. After the failure of Jurassic Park and Jurassic World, no country in the world is willing to host a dinosaur theme park due to potential fears of escaping animals wreaking havoc. So InGen solves two problems at once, creating a floating theme park that cruises in international waters. Each week, a new bunch of guest stars comes to the boat in search of romance, thrills, and adventure! Guessing game for the series: Which guest star will get eaten by raptors this week?

2) Vicki the Vampire Slayer. The Pacific Princess is one of the more…unusual cruise ships out there. It always embarks and disembarks after sunset, it has a full range of 24-hour activities, the cabins all have shutters to block out the sunlight…and it has the highest “fatal accident” rate of any cruise line in the world. Vicki, daughter of ship’s captain Merrill Stubing, finally learns what ties all these things together when she is approached by the ship’s bartender, Isaac, and told that she is a Chosen One–a Slayer. Isaac is her Watcher, and is here to train her in the art of fighting vampires; the Pacific Princess is secretly run by and for vampires who want to travel without risking daylight, and most of the passengers are there as a ready supply of food. She must protect the mortal passengers, slay the vampires, and never let the truth about her identity get out (lest she be kicked off the ship). Guessing game for the series: Which guest star is going to get bitten in the first act?

3) Love the Walking Dead. The Pacific Princess is on a cruise when word comes to them that a strange disease is infecting people on land, causing them to reanimate as flesh-eating zombies. Each week, the crew must find ways to embark and get priceless supplies and rescue survivors, all while avoiding the hordes of undead. Guessing game for the series: Which guest star will get eaten by zombies first?

4) Love Trek. All aboard the Pacific Space Princess for a tour of the galaxy! See the sights, romance the beautiful aliens, and avoid the horndog captain who seems to mack on a new guest star each week! Guessing game for the series: Which guest star will not be making it back from their stops at each port of call? (Hint: It’s the one wearing the red shirt.)

5) Breaking Boat. When Gopher is diagnosed with cancer by Bernie Kopell, he decides to make some money for his family by starting a meth lab with Julie in the ship’s lower decks. Their illicit drug dealing ring gradually brings them further and further into a sordid world of brutality and murder, forcing Gopher to take ever-harsher measures to protect his secrets and his money. Once he’s in…can he ever get out? Guessing game for the series: Will it end in an orgy of violence and rough justice, as each character gets his or her karmic retribution, or do we live in an essentially amoral universe where the good sometimes suffer and the bad sometimes go unpunished?

Before the final leg begins, Phil, like us, reflects on the fact that despite starting with a lot of promising teams, we somehow got down to a pair of bland nobodies, two irritating douchebags, an epic train wreck of a team, and a very nice couple that stands no chance. Unlike us, Phil tries to pretend that this is a good thing.

continue reading "Amazing Race Recap: “Monster Truck Heroes”"

Well, that was amazing. I mean, I have not seen that many unbelievable, awesome twists and turns in a long while. It was funny, it was exciting, it had a great finish that left me wanting more, and the fight scenes! Wow, just the fight between Skye and the redheads alone was…

Wait, sorry. I was thinking of the season finale of “Agents of SHIELD”. But yeah, the Race was pretty good too. Spoilers after the cut…

continue reading "Amazing Race Recap: “In It To Win It”"

Sorry I’m now officially a week behind on the Amazing Race with no Batfleck to make up for it; it’s been crazy busy this week, but hopefully I’ll be able to catch up for the finale. But that means that “last time” is actually two times ago, when we were all in Amsterdam together and Phil reminded us that Hayley and Blair still hate each other oh so very, very much, and that this was a non-elimination leg. Which means that this is an elimination leg…

continue reading "Amazing Race Recap: “Fruits of Our Labor”"

Previously in the Race: Phil sums up two hours of racing in under a minute with, “Everyone ran around Africa for two straight legs and Steve and Aly couldn’t get out of last.” Would that I could have done the same.

continue reading "Amazing Race Recap: “Can I Get a Hot Tub?”"

As you can tell by the double title, this is a double-length episode. The reasons they didn’t spread this out over two weeks will become increasingly clear as the episode goes on, but here’s a hint: It rhymes with “two granti-climactic jeppisodes in a row”. But before the airquote excitement starts, we get a reminder that Monaco was much harder than you’d imagine to navigate through for a country that’s only about one square mile, and Jeff and Jackie were eliminated as a result.

continue reading "Amazing Race Recap: “Back in Business/Moment of Truth”"

Previously on the Race: Did we mention the new 2015 Ford Focus enough yet? Yes? Well too FREAKING bad. Oh yes, and Kurt and Bergen failed harder than 95% of the contestants ever.

continue reading "Amazing Race Recap: “Smells Like a Million Bucks”"

Previously on the Race, one night in Bangkok made the New Kids humble, and this time there wasn’t a non-elimination leg to save them. The Blind Date teams finally started getting down to the awkward truth that TV’s most brutally difficult reality competition is probably not the best way to start a relationship, and we had kitties. KITTIES!

continue reading "Amazing Race Recap: “Get In That Lederhosen, Baby”"

This week’s recap covers the fact that nothing much happened, since it was a non-elimination leg that involved one team being stuck at the airport for ages. But Phil makes it sound more exciting than it was, because he’s Phil!
continue reading "Amazing Race Recap: “The Great Amazing Nasty Race”"

Last week on the Race, as Phil reminds us from the get-go, it proved to be an extremely dumb idea to take selfies next to a moving train. (Although not as dumb as taking them in front of one.) Team Broken Compass was eliminated, but they saved the obnoxious “peace out” gesture for this episode just to make sure we didn’t miss them!

continue reading "Amazing Race Recap: “#MurphysLaw”"

One of the big reasons I’ve usually resisted recapping ‘The Amazing Race’ is because I’ll be honest, I always felt like Television Without Pity already did the same thing and they did it better than I could. (You can feel free to jump in and boost my ego in the comments, but it’s not required.)

But now, there is no Television Without Pity. Entire seasons of the Race are going by, unrecapped by snarky commenters who have nothing better to do than explain what happened in an episode of a TV show to people without access to Hulu, Netflix, DVR or any one of thousands of bit-torrent sites! It’s a crushing injustice, and I’m here to correct it. On to Amazing Race 26, Episode One!

continue reading "Amazing Race Recap: “Great Way to Start a Relationship”"

My weekly TV column is up at Torontoist.