Stupid humans! Can’t speak dog! Can’t even understand dog!

Luckily, it turns out that “descending to lesser beings’ level” is a specialty of Rex the motherfucking Wonder Dog.

Some have suggested that this dog is a real-life approximation of Rex the Wonder Dog.

However, even if we ignore the fact that this is clearly a training scenario and not an actual hostile takedown (not that this dog knew that, of course), you will note that the crucial difference is that Rex the Wonder Dog would have caught the bullets in his mouth and spat them back at either his attacker or possibly a secondary evildoer.

Top comment: And Rex would’ve gone THROUGH the car window. – Chenry

A giant vampire bat might pose problems to certain heroic individuals. After all, giant vampire bats are, let us be honest, usually giant vampires. In bat form. And if you don’t have a crucifix handy, what do you do?

Maybe you go old school on that vampire, if your name is Rex the motherfucking Wonder Dog.

Top comment: Fact: Rex the Wonder Dog is considered a religious symbol for 9 out of 10 religions. (The last one is Scientology, because L Ron Hubbard knew incorporating Rex into Scientology would infuriate Rex.) – Thok

Via reader Josh R.:

Top comment: Shit, MGK, way to blow his cover. After he went to all the trouble of getting the giant afro body wig and custom lei fitted, not to mention playing the “cute and playful” card to distract the international press corps from the growing pile of brutally savaged dead assassins round the corner. – Will

Some days, when you’re armed with a gun, nothing goes right. You take aim down your barrel and fire - then fire again - and again - and every time you miss. Is it the shakes? Is it lack of skill? Lack of nerve?

Or maybe it’s because you were fool enough to square off with Rex the motherfucking Wonder Dog.

Top comment: The hunter’s problem was using the wrong weapon for hunting a Wonder Dog. Instead of a rifle, you probably want some sort of a nuclear weapon. – Thok

There’s a river flooding! And a horse in danger! What can possibly be done?

Well, maybe you just ride that horse along the river wreckage, if your name is Rex the motherfucking Wonder Dog.

Some forum kid over at Comic Book Resources is running a poll for “best comics dog.” Their options are Krypto, Lockjaw, Bandit from We3 and “other.”

Okay, let’s be clear here. Lockjaw is a really dumb dog. That is not just opinion: that is canon. If it wasn’t for his ability to teleport Lockjaw would be the Marvel Universe’s equivalent of Marmaduke, and everybody knows that Marmaduke sucks. Also, Lockjaw has a slingshot sticking out of his forehead and everybody is too polite to tell Black Bolt “hey, you might want to take that slingshot out of your dog’s forehead” because he might say “sorry” and blow up the world. So Lockjaw is clearly not the best dog in comics.

For all the jokes people make about Superman being a dick, Krypto is worse. Krypto is a psychotic little beast who is not technically even a real dog but instead some sort of alien thing. Everybody in the DC universe is kind of afraid of Krypto, because he has all of Superman’s powers trapped in something with the temperament of a Rottweiler - friendly one moment, and then the next he’s killing everything in sight. He will even attack his master. So clearly Krypto is not the best dog in comics.

Now, you can make a solid case for Bandit, who just wants to be a good dog even when he is a robot death machine. But he is still kind of not that impressive, because any dog can be a pretty impressive dog when they are encased in cybernetic weaponry - Spuds McKenzie, Old Yeller, that dog in the Jennifer Aniston movie, you name it. Plus I am pretty sure cyber-dogs have to cyber-poop, and I am sure nobody wants to deal with cyber-poop.

But, come now. There is only one choice as to best dog in comics. You know who it is. If Krypto is the Superman of Dogs, then this character is the Batman of Dogs (no, not Ace the Bat-Hound - Ace the Bat-Hound is a dumbass hanger-on). He is always prepared, and even with no powers will always come out ahead in any given situation. And his poop possesses a refreshing lack of nanotechnology.

Because he is Rex the motherfucking Wonder Dog.

Your glider is going to crash into the side of a mountain if you can’t get its flight plane stable! What do you do? What do you do?

Well, maybe you steady it out using only your own body weight, if you have a basic grasp of aerodynamics and you happen to be Rex the motherfucking Wonder Dog.

Do you every worry about whether you could handle it if you were suddenly teleported to a world where humans and giant dogs communicated through telepathy and engaged in contests of sport?

Well, Rex doesn’t. Because he is the motherfucking Wonder Dog.

The Secret Origin of Rex the Wonder Dog.

A woolly mammoth appears, hell-bent on destruction! What do you do? What do you do?

Well, maybe you nut up, if your name happens to be Rex the motherfucking Wonder Dog.

Well, they would be a problem, but they saw the thunder coming for them.

Even in the deepest Sahara, every bandit knows not to mess with Rex the motherfucking Wonder Dog.

You know, a medieval longbow shot an arrow at over 150 km/h. Surely nobody could react so quickly to an arrow already shot.

Oh wait, we forgot about Rex the motherfucking Wonder Dog.

A car, out of control! Who can possibly save the day?

Damn straight. Rex don’t need no opposable thumbs. That’s because Rex is the motherfucking Wonder Dog.

Why DC doesn’t reprint this comic, I will honestly never know. It is a dog who is bullfighting. And as issues of Rex The Wonder Dog go, this is comparatively tame.

YOU HEAR THAT, DC? GIVE US REX THE FREAKING WONDER DOG!

(More Rex The Wonder Dog here.)