Watchmen (the movie) is really quite bad.
continue reading "It’s bad."
5
Mar
Top comment: Finally, someone got it right! — (probably not) Alan Moore
5
Mar
Mark Waid, guestblogging over at John Rogers’ pad, gets it right about the basic inner story of Thor. And then someone else adds in comments:
…the most perennially troubled titles are the ones that have been the most disconnected from their simple concept. Wonder Woman is the classic example. It was a title the was gender and power. That included sex, which is why it was slowly scrubbed of its original theme. Now, it is about nothing, which is why it gets re-booted every fifteen minutes.
This is of course correct, but “gender and power” is a very generic way of talking about what Wonder Woman’s core story is about. It is about a woman in a man’s world. You don’t need to focus on sex to write that story – Buffy the Vampire Slayer covered a lot of this ground and although Buffy had her share of romance and doin’ it, most of the time that ground was mostly secondary to her story as a whole, which was often about reconciling femininity with being a kick-ass hero who was also doomed, doomed, doomed.
Now, drop the “doomed” part and you’ve got Wonder Woman. Except Wonder Woman stories are never actually about that. Has “woman in a man’s world” even been mentioned once in Trinity, which – last I checked – is ostensibly about the ideas and motivations behind Batman, Superman and Wonder Woman? No, not at all – instead we get some vague blather about Diana being a “bringer of peace,” and so forth.
And, of course, let’s be honest: “woman in a man’s world” is a hard sell in comics. Most of the readership is male and most of the creators are male, and most of them are not particularly interested in reading feminist literature unless it is disguised in some way (cf. Buffy, which is also a genre television show; ditto Xena, Warrior Princess).
I’m not sure if this is because the idea of “woman in a man’s world” is so explicitly feminist, and that men are traditionally sort of crap at writing strong feminist narratives no matter how personally enlightened on the topic they might be. (Even Joss Whedon, the poster boy for men writing strong women, has been accused – and not unfairly – of fetishizing “strong women” rather than simply writing stories about women.) But it’s a good point to remember; after all, if you are a male writer, the odds that you will be comfortable writing about Diana’s experience as a woman in a male-dominated world (and more importantly, finding that male-dominated world to be odd or irregular or irrational or improper) are just going to be lower than the odds that you will be comfortable writing Diana as a relatively asexual being.
Even Gail Simone (and I’ve quite enjoyed Gail’s run on the book thus far) treats Diana’s sexuality with relative kid gloves. I’m glad to see her starting up a romance with Nemesis – who, incidentally, is a vast improvement over douchebag Steve Trevor, who should die in a swamp1 – but come on, said romance has been so tentative as to almost seem editorially mandated that all pains be taken to make sure Diana doesn’t come across as a slut or something. (Because when I think “asexual society,” I think the Amazons?)
Woman in a man’s world. It’s not rocket science. It’s not irrelevant to comics readers (much as some might wish otherwise). But it’s definitely edgier territory, and there’s a political aspect to it that a lot of comics fans might not appreciate.
Also, the invisible plane. What is up with that?
Top comment: The invisible plane is a metaphor for the glass ceiling!
Except that Wonder Woman can control how much it can be lifted, so that doesn’t work either. — Eli Balin
5
Mar
On Toronto’s 175th birthday, 175 Reasons To Love Toronto.
5
Mar
Dragonsword is kind of weird. I mean, it starts out as a perfectly standard fantasy epic: apprentice tasked to go slay a dragon, apprentice slays dragon, sword becomes magic dragon-blade that gives him dragon-powers, and eventually heroic dragon-blade wielder must fight against evil emperor with transform-into-a-dragon power.
See, that’s fine. That makes sense. What doesn’t make sense is the ending:
He defeats the emperor, then tells everybody “no more evil emperors!” and to make sure of this, he leaves, putting his talking chimpanzee buddy in charge of everything.
Now, if I were going to make sure that my fantasy world would never be plagued by tyranny ever again, here are a list of the top ways I would do it.
1.) Not leave, but instead stay, find myself a nice bit of mountaintop, occasionally eat a sheep, and roast any potential tyrant to death.
2.) Leave, but first establish a representative form of democratic government.
3.) Leave, but first roast everybody so that nobody can ever be tyrant again. (AKA “the literalist approach.”)
And so on. But seriously – a talking chimpanzee? That’s this guy’s plan for preventing tyranny forever? After all, unless I’m missing something it’s not an immortal talking chimpanzee, so all tyranny has to do is wait thirty years or so and hey, time to be tyrants! And even during the chimpanzee’s lifetime, it’s not like the chimpanzee has any special powers other than the ability to talk. What’s stopping the potential tyrants of the world from just killing the chimpanzee and taking over? The chimpanzee’s ability to talk about how much he loves bananas?
And another thing, what’s to stop the chimpanzee from becoming a tyrant, anyway? Have you ever read about chimps? They’re pack animals, and once you get past the mental image of them driving a truck and being a cute sidekick, it turns out that they actually really mean little fuckers who will rip your head off if you look at them the wrong way.
Man, Dragonsword did not think this thing through.
Top comment: Sheesh. You people are so quickly dismissive. Have you READ the Talking Chimp King’s 19 Point Plan to end Poverty and Secure National Safety? Its fucking genius man! — LurkerWithout
5
Mar
EDIT: Yes, I know it’s a trollsite. But come on. “God nearly destroys world with giant space rock?”
4
Mar
Back when I was first watching it, the initial season of So You Think You Can Dance Australia impressed me very greatly. The dancing and choreography (which Australians call “corry,” which is inexplicably wonderful for some reason) ranged from “solid” to “exceptional,” and my only worry for the franchise was that Australia had used up all of its top-tier dancers in the first season, where only about twelve of the twenty finalists were really good-to-great dancers and of those only three (Jack, Rhys, and Kate) were definite standouts.
But now that the second season is on, it turns out that my worry was utterly misplaced, because holy shit, this season is so much better than the first it is downright staggering. With the exception of Max (thankfully gone with the very first elimination), just about every one of this season’s dancers is at least at the level of Demi last season (“amateur with exceptional talent and work ethic”) and although it’s too soon yet to tell who the true standouts are, that’s mostly because this season’s dancing has been so utterly exceptional.
Usually on an early episode of SYTYCD there are two or three really great routines, three or four okay routines and one or two crapburgers. Thus far on the second season, there’s been a horrendous onslaught of really great routines and then everything else is at the very least okay. (The only genuinely bad routine was the top-20 contemporary by Max and Jesse, which was… yeah. Bad.)
Anyway, it’s still early in the season, but right now my favorites include Charlie, who is much like Joshua from the fourth American season in that he’s primarily a self-taught hip-hop dancer with some technical training and a ridiculous resevoir of talent; Lamb and Timomatic, who have the best team name (“Lamb-o-Matic”) and who although I don’t think they will go all the way (in fact I think both will have a fight to make top 10) have incredible, intense chemistry as partners; Danny, who despite the fact that every choreographer feels the need to include his trademark sideways spinning jump is really ridiculously skilled in the way that only a classically trained contemporary dancer can be; Pania, who is a Kiwi so I feel obligated to root for her as New Zealand is Australia’s equivalent of Canada (and also she is an awesome hip-hop dancer); and Gianne, who is just so awesome on so many levels it is stupid.
And of course there are all the joys that are specific to the Australian version of this show, like the fact that choreographers there tend to fuse styles with near-regularity, so a “lyrical” piece becomes lyrical hip-hop or a quickstep tosses in some breaking just because, or the pleasure of listening to the comments of Jason Coleman, who is quite simply the best reality show judge ever – he is all substance and no bullshit, kind of like what Simon Cowell wishes he was but never will be. (Fellow judge Matt Lee is only a step behind Coleman for excellence in judging.) Plus, there is Jason Gilkison ballroom choreography almost every week, and the sudden, surprising greatness to see that former contestant Marko Panzic – eliminated early in the first season – is probably the most exciting choreographer on the show this year.
The Aussies have done right again. Memo to the producers of the Canadian show: you set a high bar, and they vaulted right over it.
4
Mar
Some days, when you’re armed with a gun, nothing goes right. You take aim down your barrel and fire – then fire again – and again – and every time you miss. Is it the shakes? Is it lack of skill? Lack of nerve?
Or maybe it’s because you were fool enough to square off with Rex the motherfucking Wonder Dog.
Top comment: The hunter’s problem was using the wrong weapon for hunting a Wonder Dog. Instead of a rifle, you probably want some sort of a nuclear weapon. — Thok
3
Mar
3
Mar
I am generally a fan of the concept of “vertical farming,” IE building/converting skyscrapers into huge hydroponic growing towers. I think their necessity is inevitable and beyond that they’re just a good idea.
But lemme get this straight: vertical pig farming? And open-air vertical pig farming at that? Did nobody involved in the design of this potential project perchance smell a pig before going ahead with drawing up plans?
Because live pigs, you know, smell kind of bad. Horrendously bad. And when you have a lot of pigs – like, for example, in a skywards-oriented factory farm – they smell really, really bad. Like “watch surrounding property values plummet” bad. Like “health hazard” bad.
I could almost see it if we were talking sealed-building vertical pig farms (although doubtless that would not be great for the pigs). But open-air? In Canada? What are they gonna do in winter, twenty stories up, when -30 winds are a daily occurrence? Are they going to just deal with the pigsicles?
Top comment: The pig shit problem is an easy fix. All you do is get a giant and a midget, who must dress in matching leather outfits, to work in the recesses of the building and turn the manure into cheap energy. — Zenrage
3
Mar
Best not come to battle because if you battle me
You’re gonna suffer a fucking bat-astrophe
Kal-El, what the hell, you wanna get in a fight
Fucker step off or I’ll synthesize Kryptonite
Diana, I wanna introduce my Batpole
To every one of your wonderful Wonder-holes
Green Lanterns? Fuck you, you’re alla you overpaid
I’ll beat you with daffodils, beat you with lemonade
Martian Manhunter’s tough, so I’ll light a Bat-Match,
Smoke a cigar and I’ll make him my bat-byatch
And the Flash? He runs fast, but you know he can’t handle me
I’ll just activate Anti-Flash Bat-Plan Twenty-Three
Aquaman, he’s a joke, you know he ain’t tough enough
Let him sit back till I want me some dolphin muff
Even Aquaman’s fishes, they know I bat-vicious
The League are my bitches, they do as I wishes
Cause if I don’t want it the bad guys will never win
Down ’em like House downs a handful of Vicodin
Lex Luthor, Ra’s Al Ghul, or even Per Degaton
They all the worst and I be the “better than”
Battle neverending you know that I fight it
My victories endless, you cannot deny it
Cause they dead y’all, and they dead y’all
My parents are muhfuckin dead y’all
(repeat last two lines until Batman breaks down crying in front of parents’ graves)
Top comment: Word to your momma. And your papa. Who are dead. — Dregoth
2
Mar
My weekly TV column is up at Torontoist.
2
Mar
PAD isn’t letting go:
Some people are claiming that Marvel and DC and other major publishers should embrace the concept of having anybody, anytime, do whatever the hell they want with the publishers’ property because the fans have decided that it’s going to be beneficial to the publishers.
You know, the “some people say” tactic was annoying when George Bush used it. It’s not less annoying when Peter David uses it. Outside of a few fanatic comment drive-bys, most of which are motivated more out of spite for PAD than anything else, I don’t see anybody actually arguing what PAD claims they’re arguing.
So, a few points.
1.) When John Byrne is on your side about anything, strongly consider the possibility that you are wrong about everything.
2.) Nobody serious is arguing that reading scans_daily was exactly analagous to flipping through comics in a comic book store from a legal standpoint. The point was introduced as metaphor, to explain that comics – rather uniquely as art forms go – work very well when you can check out an issue before you buy it, not least because of the cost associated with a comic book. (Seriously: $3.99 an issue now? I can finish most Big Two comics in less than ten minutes.)
3.) Similarly, nobody serious is suggesting that Marvel and DC just say “calloo callay, do what ye will with our property!” Even the scans_daily crowd were under the impression (incorrectly, but still) that what they were doing qualified as fair use since they were using the scans for the purpose of discussion and had set (ultimately insufficient, but still) rules to keep their use what they believed (erroneously) to be reasonable; this was not, at heart, a community founded on the belief that breaking the law and/or stealing is fun and good.
4.) That PAD chooses to engage these strawman arguments is just kind of sad. It reminds me of why I hated Bill Maher’s film Religulous so much: there are perfectly good arguments to be made against religion, but Maher didn’t engage serious religious philosophers, the ones who can knock you back on their ass with their thinking. No, he decided to debate a guy dressed up as Jesus in a religious theme park, because he felt it made him look smarter.
5.) I and the other people pointing this sort of thing out aren’t the assholes who sent PAD’s wide hate mail, so stop tarring us all with the same brush.
And finally:
These fans have judged, on the publishers’ behalf, how the publishers’ property should be disseminated and distributed and marketed. And if the publishers don’t agree with it, then they are somehow uncool or evil or, at the very least, not current with the 21st Century.
I really wish PAD would stop taking personal offense when people point out that the Big Two’s business model as regards publishing is outdated and in need of recognizing the distribution power of the Internet. It’s 2008 2009; music and movie and television have all found ways to use the net to distribute more efficiently. This isn’t controversial and pointing that out isn’t mockery – at least, not until Peter David decides to act like a chump about it, because that retroactively turns it into mockery.
Top comment: When you realize that Peter David is trying to become the next Harlan Ellison, things make a helluva lot more sense.
But what do I know? Ants aren’t allowed to condescend to eagles. — Mister Terrific
2
Mar
So my friend Rob was all “hey, every time a browser looks for your favicon.ico file and you don’t have one, it eats up CPU and RAM on your server.” And I said “that’s bad.” And he said “So get one.” So for the time being I’ve got a very tiny Brainiac Five up there.
But I would like a way more awesome favicon, so I thought I would throw it open to you, the readership. Make me a favicon that I like! In tune with the general themes of the site, which are
– MGK (the letters, or something else)
– Rex the Wonder Dog
– Intellectual awesomeosity
– Photoshop remixes
– a stack of flapjacks (seriously, dude, just stop it, it’s getting sad — MGK)
– Amusing crap
– “Other”
Winner gets – well, they get to see their favicon become the default favicon for this site. Is that not a prize worth more than gold?
"[O]ne of the funniest bloggers on the planet... I only wish he updated more."
-- Popcrunch.com
"By MightyGodKing, we mean sexiest blog in western civilization."
-- Jenn